All exciting things… yes, always happen in the hidden, in the background. So a lot has been transformed. All pages are updated; the About, Villain Stuff, Sexy Melancholy, Visuals and the newest edition, Fashion. Yep, new updates will follow. 😉

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Lover of Mine

Last spring, I was introduced to the sweet, lovely dream pop sounds of Beach House at the cool, hip coffee shop called Fuckoffee at Shoreditch, East London. The sweet, emotional songs ‘Lazuli’ and ‘Other People’…  the beginning of a happy love affair, of hope. Lovely emotions for a rainy day. Lovely music for the ‘in love’ feeling. In fact the whole album ‘Bloom’ was like a new fresh love affair to me, all the way through.

When you meet a guy and this feeling of euphoria arises, and you meet up and you do things, and you laugh, happily, because he takes away your pain, just for a while… because in the end you know, it’s just an illusion. Continue reading

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Grains in Summer Time




Standing still in the middle of a golden wheat field near my house, with my arms open, spread out to the side, feeling the wind around me, feeling the grain brushing against my arms and hands. I remember. I was little then, like merely just four years old. And I looked across the fields, to the houses and the restaurants by the road. Watching the wheat stalks swaying. Breathing, taking in the scents of summer, the earth and the grass. And I hear this far away roaring sound above me, a plane soaring across the sky high above me, looking so small in the distance. There I looked up and I watched. And I listened. And this longing came over me. I wanted to be on that plane. Travelling, flying away. That sound always stuck with me, that sound of a plane in the distance, fading, in summertime, in the lovely warm breeze, in the fields… I love it, I feel it.

And soon of course I would be on it, that plane in the distance. I was fortunate to travel often as a child, and we lived in different countries too. I remember adventure times in America, exotic trips to northern Africa. Road trips throughout the States, horse riding through hot, rocky mountains, surfing along the coastline, boat trips on the sea… I felt the heat of deserts throughout America and the cold of Niagara waterfalls. I had encounters with American natives. I saw snakes drifting with the stream in rivers, crocodiles, sharks, wild horses running… thunderstorms without any rain, electrifying the air. Freedom…!  Just riding… calling to the ever moving soul of the inner nomad.  It so inspired me.

When we then went home to Germany where I had to go to school, I already had seen so much, I couldn’t be like the other kids. I felt like a stranger… without a home.

To just be and see, observe and breathe it all in… it’s so easy as a child… and then we forget, even though it is the essence of us all. Suddenly there is a reminder.

It’s been a while since I walked across a wheat field and gently stretched out my arms to stroke the grain with my fingers, feeling the summer breeze on my skin, soaking the silence… listening for a plane flying high above, fading in the distance.  I will, this summer!

“Don’t try to understand, just feel”.  And the perfect song and video to underline this mood is Interpol’s Mind Over Time.


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Why people don’t want you to be alone

28279296_983774611788118_1846174053197319405_n - Copy

People don’t want you to be alone. They don’t want you to be single either and eagerly push a partner on you. And this is not really because they don’t want you to be lonely, or unhappy… they really don’t care about that, no. People want you to be with someone because then you are less of a threat. Outch, that’s right.

When you are always walking, working and living with a group of people, or when you are ‘safely’ married, then there is someone there to keep you in place, to keep you distracted. You are more likely to do ‘normal’ things, and that makes you safe to the crowd. When you are alone a lot and/or live alone, you are so much more likely to do some serious thinking (or watch some nasty porn, either way…).

You can be your real self… the one that is inside of you. Do all the things you can’t do in front of others. You can talk to your inner voice and even play with your ‘demons’ (which can be fun!)… because nobody is watching you. You can get to know your needs, you can create, you can evolve.  Being alone is so truly liberating. This is why many artists need to be alone in order to connect to their source and create.

When you are on your own, nobody knows what you truly are up to, and that scares the sheep people. They get suspicious, they don’t trust you. After all, you could be doing naughty things… illicit things, keep secrets. And this is especially a big source of gossip when you are a woman. Continue reading

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Challenge your given ‘identity’…

28870565_991117841053795_3828623779088548289_nI just want to be, to be free. To be, is the ultimate state of existence. To simply be, is free of false identity. False identity is often the misjudgements placed upon you by others who cannot understand you. And it obviously can be very limiting. Your identity comes with rules and morals. Even if you love what you do, and even if it inflates your ego, people soon attach their sheepish social rules and misjudgements on you. You are confined to living in a box of social expectations. Wouldn’t it be nice to be free of that?

I told you already that I sometimes go out exploring the world anonymously or without saying a name, meeting random people, to just experience, without identity attachment and restrictions. This is not about being false, or somebody else, or creating a wannabe ego to impress irrelevant strangers. This is about you exploring you. All of it. Being able to be timeless, ageless, without habits, without false morals. Because we are not only one name. We have many. Personality is an illusion. We can be many things and live different lives. And I experience so much weird, crazy, insightful and fun. Sometimes very scary situations too.

You can change reality, make reality happen, be aware of different dimensions, yes, a Continue reading

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Rayn & and the Juice

A few years back when I moved to Oslo’s finest Victorian and ‘Jugendstil’ neighbourhood Frogner, yes, where all the hipster bartenders and fit Swedes live, I soon was a popular daily guest at the new cafe concept here called Joe and the Juice. The hip cafe with good, high vibes induced by the charming selection of exclusively male staff in their early twenties. Euphoric, sexy house music and  flirty, handsome cuties with caps, hey, it’s just my thing. So the five Joe and the Juice cafes in Oslo became my second home. I had charming, funny and interesting conversations, lot’s of free coffee of course, delivered with a wink, hearts on my loyalty cards, vast amounts of compliments… the occasional fling after closing time… 😉 . Continue reading

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15241307_729118063920442_2988413749115718489_n-e1518553824359.jpgShe’s waiting for another train
She’s given it a share of chances
Into another country again
No tears for the lies he told
No letter on the bedroom chair
No message written on the mirror
Leave it looking like she’s never been there
With nothing left for her to hold
She always steps forward
She never looks back
She leaves while she can with her dreams still intact
Her sadness below her and hope high above
With her heart in her hand she steps out

Pretty music on the radio
She’s looking down another highway
No tears when the time comes to go
No memories to cloud her sky
She always steps forward she never looks back
She leaves while she can with her dreams still intact
Her sadness below her and hope high above
With her heart in her hand she steps out

Story of my life!

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