- I don’t know what I’m doing… and I love it –
In this category I’m posting my creative writings, deep thoughts and poems… I love melancholy… the thoughtful and emotional sorrow. I love rainy days that make me think… carry away my mind, a rainy sunday by the beach… filled with grey and mellow emotions. I love the sultry warm weather… the sexy winds before a thunder storm, oh it turns me on like crazy. I have these sensitive nerves crawling all down my spine. I easily feel this electric charged sexual vibration.
The wet, warm and stormy night that makes me feel so deep and intense. The surreal state of being that makes me fall in between time and reality. Remembering the little girl lost and alone that still lives within. Opening up the vulnerable side of me… I love to feel this sexy self-destructiveness, the tears, exploring the sensual game that spirals down. The depth of the ocean, where it is black and unknown… I love to drown in it, it feels like home. It is not an unhappy state of mind. It is a cleansing one. Opening up to the real inner self. I had a lot of dramatic incidents in my life and I put myself into risky and self-destructive situations ( yep some stories even made my therapists cry!) just to feel it, to survive it, to feel alive.
I always wanted to do everything once. Feeling sadness and excitement at the same time. Feeling strong and breakable at the same time, and appreciating the irony of life like a black comedy.
My life is for the sensitive, hurt and lonely beings. I always felt close to the abused and misunderstood creatures. Being an empathic and open-minded person can be a dangerous virtue to have. As much as the kindness I experienced, I also often was the target of stalkers and psycho men that wanted to harm me.
Most of my artistic works are inspired by my own strong and often bizare experiences, and by my dreams. I know that I am somewhere else at night… same place as here, but in a parallel world or state of mind. For me it is important to express the dream experiences, the surreal happenings and emotions. I write down all my intense dreams and nightmares and create from them…
My new book ‘Thief In The Night’ in particular, is a book of thoughts and poetry coloured by this surreal melancholy. And of course the awesome thing about being a writer is that you can openly ‘confess’ to some of the really naughty and crazy shit you have done… and everybody thinks it’s fiction 😉
Here are a few examples of the latest poems in that book. Also check out my Kindle books here 🙂
” When I Get Lost”
I had a dream last night and somewhere within it, I got lost. There was so much truth and so much love, there were I have been… that I left myself behind. And I woke up to this strange floaty, emotional and beautiful music that was playing somewhere outside by my house and I opened my eyes. I noticed that it was a grey and dark day, an atmosphere that was so otherworldy and I realised that I was in some kind of strange inbetween state. And the day was just unreal, as I was trapped in my own world unable to get out. And with a distance and a certain kind of melancholy, I would go through the day, unable to get out. And I walk the busy Saturday morning streets, alone, and somehow totally non-existing, like I am a ghost.
All people pass me by and I walk by them, yet with my soul left in the dreamworld and not really here amongst them. It is when I am lost like that, that they can hurt me, it is like they know and they can see the girl trapped within. It is like there is a parallel universe, just like this one, and I belong there instead of here. I’ve had moments like this since childhood. And it is at those moments when they come to me, the boys that are so fascinated, wanting a little piece of me… that little sexy energy that makes them feel so good, that draws them down into my world… because they know it is real somehow. I have the key to the little chamber of their soul… that connects them to the world within… I am the one who makes them fall… and I don’t even try. I am just too open… too vulnerable when I am lost inbetween…
And people in general, they just pass by, blind and numb, unable to see the greater world around us. But sometimes I see them, those like me. I see the one kid pass me by, the one little sweet child with faint shadows under his or her eyes, the one kid that doesn’t sleep well at night… there tends to be one of those kids in every class room… that one kid that sees and knows more… Most children crave, they crave from others, they crave energy…
But those little deep ones, they give to others, they give their energy, and it is taken greedily… how I would love to collect those children and tell them ’you are not alone my little one’… – from Thief In The Night. (c) Andrea Rayn
View my book page here to see the #thiefinthenight