I see all those things, around me and in my head. A certain scene, a certain feeling, moments… places… towns, buildings, oceans, people, a vibe… and it is so hard to not be able to explain all the visions and emotions that I see, the amazing feelings that arise from a memory, a sudden scent that overwhelms me. The smell of something is the greatest trigger of amazing visuals, ecstatic feelings, and also some very scary thoughts of otherworldly experiences.
I can only describe it as really sexual. With thoughts and emotions tingling, vibrating and running up my spine to my chest, like a pleasant and ecstatic electricity running through my body… this electrical charged sensation that triggers certain feelings, visions and dreams at night. Continue reading “Electrical! Sexual in body and soul…”
I often found out that whenever I think about a new story, writing it down and describing the character… I somehow manage to draw this vision into my real life… it’s pretty awesome, surreal, but also pretty spooky. For example, I describe a situation within my story, and a few days later I find myself in just this situation somehow. Or I describe a certain guy in my novel, and I go to a cafe and suddenly a guy sits there that matches my description perfectly… it’s like I make certain aspects of my stories appear … Continue reading Creating, acting and parallel realities
Nobody asks to be born, and what a terrible fate it is to be born to heartless parents, to be neglected, bullied, mistreated or even worse, to be killed mercilessly by some undeserving bastard. I feel with every ‘story’, every picture of an innocent sweet little girl or boy that I see in the papers, or on the news. I can’t begin to imagine their fears and desperation… Continue reading “I feel so sad for all the unloved children”
Adrenaline baby, they made me this way!
Born to be raw. Or driven insane?
My childhood has always been familiar with a dramatic, darker, secretive side. The thing that would shape, or perhaps mess me up the most, were my traumatic night-time experiences. The home I grew up in became my threat at night. I never felt secure. When evening approached I became very fearful because I was so afraid of going to bed. To be alone. Because sometimes indeed, I was completely alone. My young parents just put me to bed and then went out to party, leaving me all alone and scared at the flat. Children are helpless. They are so dependent of the adults that are meant to take care of them, love and protect them from harm. We all know that small children need constant observation, and constant protection to make them feel secure. They need love, security and understanding. And yet, so many do not get that.
At night I knew I could be all alone, that they were not here to protect me from any harm and the primal fear I felt was just overwhelming. You know when kids wake up at night and cry for their mommy to come? Well, when I woke up during the night I was all silent. Continue reading “Adrenaline baby, they made me this way!”
I am an intense dreamer and I pay great attention to my dream experiences since they often would affect me in my waking state. I can go all day, still feeling the emotions I felt in the dream. After all so much more interesting stuff is happening there.
Sometimes my dreams are sensual, melancholic, sometimes very loving and emotional and other times, they are very horrible, scaring the hell out of me. I always analyse them in order to understand the message from my subconscious.
The most vivid dreams come to me early in the morning. This is the time when I often dream ’real’, when I see my pure state of mind, learn the truth about people, feel a deep emotion, a deep connection to a person, or when a great promotion idea comes to me. It really tells me what I need to know. I am connected to people on a much deeper level in my dream world. And I’m quite sure we indeed are out there somewhere, in a different dimension and indeed are connected deeper somehow. Continue reading “Dreamin’ freedom… surreal or real?”
Writing, and particularly surreal writings or poetry, often reveal the dramatic past of the writer. Fiction is a safe ground, where the sincere artist can reveal secrets without anyone realising. Because most people just see or read what is right in front of them. Without further thought or insight. People tend to see life as two dimensional. It often takes another artist to see what a piece of work really is trying to say. What bitterness, confession or cry for help is really hiding behind those words or behind those scenes. I can see life as three dimensional. I don’t look at people’s self-styled surface, I look through them to the core… (which often is not a very cool thing actually.) Continue reading “Between the lines… is the writer! –”
Ok let me say this, I am all about positive thinking and I definately have a positive outlook on life. Which means, I always can see the positive in shitty situations. Manage to turn them into something valuable. This is what positivity is all about. What I do not like is this fake positivity, this fake happiness that some people try so desperately to push on you when you absolutely don’t feel it. “Think happy thoughts, come on think happy thoughts…hey what’s wrong with you, why don’t you feel the happy thoughts, you must think happy thoughts right now…” Duh, … Continue reading Fake happiness or can you handle REAL emotions?
Purple Nightshades She stood by the window, And watched life pass by, All those fading colours… All the wasted tries Life is a wheel, Always moving on, Searching her paradise, She saw the place inside I’m leaving, I will take that final step, I’m never looking back no more, Don’t look for me I’m reaching for the stars, They do not seem so far anymore Wow, all those pretty colours, This green glittering light, I hear far away voices, Old friends wave me inside, The air it smells so sweet, It melts my frozen heart, I walk through poppy gardens, … Continue reading ‘Purple Nightshades’
This is the most important thing you will ever learn; Trust your instincts! Your inner voice is the one that tells you what you truly want… and what you don’t want. Listening to your inner voice is the key to finding the answers you are looking for. All answers lie within because indeed the real inner us is connected to the ’great out there’… Source. Continue reading “Listen to your inner voice (and not necessarily to your parents or friends) :-P”
Thoughts and feelings, they come and go… because life is a flow… Life is movement… always unpredictable… Only the fearful reject change and growth… even may resent those that move forward with their life, like I have experienced so many times… Unaware… that stagnation means dying of the spirit! Continue reading I’m alive! I live and grow and change constantly…